Tuesday, July 24, 2007

A sensitive soul (?)

As I get older, I seem to be more affected by things - more emotional, more ready to cry, more aware of the things which are less than perfect in this world. Sometimes I wonder whether it's just being tired more often that leads me to this - I can feel myself getting emotional at the end of movies, not just the heartstring tugging stuff! Not that I burst into tears at X-men or anything.

I think the more I see of life, the more profoundly affected i am by it. I see the horror of violence and war, the evil that people can perpetrate, the loss which comes from death and the power of the ties of love that bind us. I like to think that I am becoming more aware and empathic than I was as an empty headed teenager, and certainly part of the process of growing older and maturing is having a certain dissatisfaction with the way things are, and longing to change things for the better. It's not a case of 'it was so much better when I was younger' because in lots of ways it wasn't. I'm just more aware of the joys and horrors of the world now.

In part having kids has made me see how fragile and precious life is. Taking lots of funerals also makes me aware of the same thing, and what a profound effect the most simple soul can have on many lives just by being a normal, thoughtful, caring individual. All those moments which those of us in ministry are privileged to share a role in - birth, marriage, death, the struggles and triumphs of everyday life have served to broaden and deepen my appreciation of the present moment and the things which are most valuable - namely family, friends, love, companionship, hope and faith.

My growing knowledge of Christian faith (even us ministerial types are on a constant 'learning curve') has caused me to grow in passionate commitment to 'growing the kingdom' - sharing and living gospel values of justice, peace, love, spiritual and social growth. I think as I get to know Jesus better I see more and more of his agenda - a radically inclusive, constantly questioning faith which longs to bring in God's kingdom - or perhaps more accurately, the 'reign of God' in the hearts, minds and lives of women and men who are dedicated to following this strange, difficult, committed, grace-filled Son of God. I hope I never lose that ability to cry, laugh, shout and whisper in faith or that vision of a world made whole which compels me to follow, to serve and to be the one who God is calling me to be.

God bless you in your seeking and finding, in believing and belonging.

6 comments:

eric said...

The longer your life, the more heartstrings you tend to develop. This is a big part of why people are more apt to be emotionally moved by events in their lives. when your young, you feel invincible, but as you get older and loose friends or family to any instance, and these events are what get us in touch with our deepest most hidden feelings.

That being said... I didn't cry at the end of X-men I, but I did at the end of X-men III...

Naomi said...

I think as you grow older, certain life experiences make you more sensitive. That has certainly happened to me. Also being in life or death situations or losing loved ones makes you realise just how precious life is.

On another note Alastair, I really enjoy visiting your blog. The posts always make interesting reading. Would you like to swap links? I've just added your link to my blog.

Dr.John said...

I loved the entry. My glasses even fogged up a bit.

Sank said...

Saturday, I found myself tearing up a bit at my sons big day. It came fast and was completely unexpected.

Once again, fantastic post Alistair, you have some very lucky congregants.

jeff said...

It's a great ride aint it?

Marion said...

This was a great post, Alastair. Your parish is very lucky to have you ministering to them...I hope very much that you are enjoying your holiday with your family.

That emotion you describe so well comes with awakening and awareness;it is when there is a difficult situation, and despite everything, love floods over, under and all around, giving me those easy tears.

And an overflowing heart.

Have a great August!