After a late night visit to see someone in hospital I returned home to find my wife looking through a box of old photos - pictures from college, old school friends, 80's hairstyles etc etc. Having planned to conk out I was rapt for the next hour looking at these pictures. It was something of a rollercoaster as i felt a huge amount of embarassment at my hairstyle (or lack thereof - style that is, not hair) a huge sense of loss at friendships now gone (some of which i have tried to rekindle, but Paula, Doug, Gill and John seem to have disappeared from the face of the earth) and a sense of now having a life far removed from my expectations.
I find myself often wondering 'what if' when it comes to relationships, decisions made, things lost and found. It's probably part of what it means to be human, to hold on to memories and use one's imagination to envisage alternatives. On the whole I have few regrets, but do find myself thinking 'if I knew then what i know now'.
But i suppose that makes us what we are, and life still holds out possibilities, challenges, hopes and dreams that will leave me thinking in ten or twenty or more years (should i be alive to think these things) 'what if'.